Mary Sues Flock Around Me
by FlyingTanuki
Summary: Howard Moon fell in love. But, he lost the girl by telling her he didn't want her. Will he ever find her again? Mainly HowardxOC, but contains other Boosh charcters and OCs.
1. Chapter 1

Howard Moon hung his head low, tears softly spilling down his face. Last night, he had met a girl. A girl who had, from the moment they locked eyes, shown deep-seated affection for him. But he had become slightly tipsy, thought it was all a charade, and told her that he didn't like her back. Now, he began to realise that he did. He continued to cry, the tears running down his face into his cup of tea which he had in his hands. Sighing, he took a large gulp of his now salty tea, and put the cup down.

Howard could hear footsteps now, they were making their way across the creaky landing towards the kitchen which was where he was sat. He ran a hand across his eyes, trying in desperation to rid his face of the tears. Good thing he did, because at that moment, his best friend Vince Noir burst through the door.  
"Mornin' Howard!" he said, cheerfully.  
Howard didn't reply. He was likely to cry again if he opened his mouth. He didn't want Vince to see him cry. Vince had never seen Howard cry, although Howard had witnessed Vince bursting into tears on many occasions. Vince walked up to him and looked him dead in the eye.  
"I said mornin'!" he yelled. "What's the matter Howard, you're usually very upbeat."  
Howard opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a loud squeak. Then, he began to cry again.  
"Howard, is everything ok?" asked Vince.  
"Does it look like it?" sobbed Howard.  
"Tell me mate, what's up?"  
"Oh nothing YOU need to know about."  
And with that, Howard got up and walked off to his bedroom.

Poor Howard, Vince thought, brushing aside a stray strand of his beautiful black hair. What could be up with him? I've never seen him this low before. He sat down on a chair and sighed. Just then, cries of "Come back Naboolio!" could be heard throughout the flat, as Naboo ran into the kitchen, followed by a young female shaman. She was wearing the exact same robes a Naboo, and had long brown hair and big green eyes.  
"Sophie, stop following me!" cried out Naboo.  
"Why?" enquired Sophie. "I'm your GIRLFRIEND!"  
Naboo glared at her. "You are not!"  
"Oh yes I am!"  
"Says who?"  
"Says me!"  
Vince decided to step in and break up the fight.  
"Naboo and Sophie, quit the arguing!" he said.  
Naboo turned round, the angry scowl slowly turning into a cute grin as he saw who was speaking to him. "Morning Vince."  
Vince stared down at the small shaman and his female counterpart. Would they know what was up with Howard? There was no harm in asking, was there?  
"Say, Naboo, do you know what's up with Howard?"  
Naboo shook his head. "I was hoping you'd know, Vince. You're his best friend after all."  
Vince chuckled. "I was hoping you'd know, Naboo. You're the magic man here."  
Unfortunately, Sophie knew. It was only unfortunate, as nobody ever spoke to Sophie, except from Howard. Bollo would occasionally have the odd little conversation with her, Vince didn't like her (mainly because she called him VinceyVince) and Naboo was never nice to her except from when he was stoned or high.  
"I know," Sophie piped up nervously.  
"You DO?" exclaimed Vince and Naboo in unison.  
Sophie smiled weakly. "Last night, he met a girl. They both fell for each other, got chatting. However, he got a bit drunk, told her he didn't really love her. Now he realised how much he regretted what he had done, so he's very upset."  
Vince's pale face suddenly flushed bright pink. He ran a hand through his hair. "We've got to help Howard...but how?"


	2. Chapter 2

It was 11:35 PM before Howard finally emerged from his bedroom. He was no longer crying, although his face was still horribly tear-stained and worn out. He gently made his way towards the kitchen, as all the crying had made him hungry. Although he had stomach pain from the hunger, he knew that a lot of his pain was from rejecting that girl. Who was she? He had to find her again.

Meanwhile, Vince, Naboo and Sophie were all sitting in the living room watching late night cartoons and munching on popcorn. Even though it had occurred a while ago, Vince couldn't help but think about the girl Howard had met. He also couldn't help but feel some slight jealousy. Ever since he'd met Howard, all those years ago, he'd had some sort of attraction to the man. He didn't know why, but he couldn't help feeling that way. He leaned over and tapped Naboo on the shoulder.

"Naboo?" he asked curiously.

"What is it Vince?" yawned the tiny shaman.

"I can't help but think about what Sophie said. Y'know, 'bout that girl Howard met?"

Naboo thought for a minute. "Yeah, and?"

"Well…I…" Vince's face turned scarlet.

"You what?"

"I was thinking, since Howard's always been unlucky in love, we should help him. We need to help him find this girl."

Naboo chuckled. "Good idea Vince," he said. "We'll start tomorrow morning."

Howard sat down at the table in the kitchen, a mug of hot chocolate in one hand and a bowl of Weetabix in the other. He took a sip from the chocolate drink and pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket. Looking at the background on his phone made him want to cry again. On his mobile phone background was him grinning cheesily while a young girl pulled a face. That girl was the girl he had met last night. Sighing heavily, he put down his phone and began to eat his Weetabix.


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile, in a dark, damp, dingy flat somewhere in London, a young, dark haired girl was slumped in an armchair. Her long, dark hair was tied back in plaits, something this girl very rarely did. She was subconsciously swaying form side to side to some very monotonous music on her iPod. She was holding an icelolly in one hand, and must have been doing so for a while as it appeared to have melted all down her hand. Her swaying in time to the music gradually increased in pace and became more violent as she threw herself out of her seat and began to dance in time to the music, dropping the mushy icelolly as she went.

Whilst the girl was dancing, she suddenly remembered something. She remembered dancing in a similar lunatic fashion with a man who was an awful lot older than her at a club. They'd been dancing around in circles like kids who'd had too many sweets whilst a small band played "In The Mood". The man had been kind enough as to also buy her a glass of lemonade after they'd finished dancing. And after she'd drank down the lemonade, without warning, the man had kissed her. The girl didn't know why, but that memory had been lingering in her mind since it happened. Maybe she'd fancied him. She sighed, and curled back up in her armchair.

"Howard Moon, stop dancing!"

Vince, Sophie, Naboo and Bollo were having a day clearing up in the flat. They were trying to find items that Naboo and Sophie could take to the Shaman Bring and Buy sale next week. But there was one major distraction – and that was Howard. The Glenn Miller record he'd bought about a month ago had arrived, and he'd been playing it non-stop and dancing through the flat like an idiot.

"Howard, I mean it! Stop dancing!" Vince yelled angrily, as Howard leapt past him.

"Nope!" laughed Howard, as he spun round on his heels and clicked his fingers in time to the music. Vince was furious now. He ran over to the record player and was just about to turn it off when the opening bars of "In The Mood" sounded throughout the flat. Howard's face went blank, then, without warning, he burst into tears.

"Howie, what's up?" asked Sophie.

"That…that song…" sobbed Howard.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"That's…that's the one I…I danced with that girl at the club to!"

Sophie's facial expression fell too.

"Oh," she said with a sigh. "Well, we were all discussing last night how we wanted to help you find your lost love, right guys?"

"Yep," said Naboo with a grin.

Vince didn't reply. Secretly, he didn't want Howard to have that girl. He loved him, and would feel awkwardly jealous if he got a girlfriend.

"You got a picture of this girl?" enquired Vince.

"Yes, I do, surprisingly," groaned Howard, and pulled out his mobile phone. "There."

Everyone crowded round Howard so they could see the picture of this mysterious stranger. There was a loud sigh from Vince, a nod from Bollo, and souts of "OH MY GOODNESS!" from Sophie and Naboo.

Howard looked at them. "You know her?" he asked.

"That we do!" they chirped in unison.

"Well…who is she? What's her name? Where does whe work?" Howard was so full of questions.

"Her name is Harriet…" said Sophie.

"She works in a newsagents…" Naboo butted in.

"And she plays the violin and horn!" shouted Sophie. "We sometimes play together, me with my saxophone, Harriet on her horn."

"You play the sax?" asked Howard with an enthusiastic tone.

"Yep," giggled Sophie.

"Oh, and that girl calls me the Cuddly Shaman, and she gives me cookies!" piped up Naboo.

Sophie glared at him. "You're MY cuddly shaman," she thought to herself.

Vince walked over and placed a hand on Howard's shoulder. He didn't brush it away like he usually did. He turned his head round to look at Vince, who smiled.

"Well, now that we have enough info about this girl," remarked Vince, "we can go and find her."

Howard smiled. "When?" he questioned.

"Maybe later, maybe tomorrow. I'm off shopping."

And with that, he was off out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

"And where exactly have you been?"

That was the question Howard asked Vince when he returned after his extremely long shopping spree.

"Topshop, New Look, NEXT, M&S and…KFC." was the reply he got.

Naboo looked up from the game of Monopoly he had been playing with Sophie and Bollo. "KFC?"

"Well yeah," chuckled Vince sheepishly.

"Why on earth were you at KFC?" questioned Sophie. "Of all places…"

"Having my dinner, you berk," sighed Vince. Then, he turned to Howard.

"Howard, I bought you something."

He reached into one of his Topshop bags and pulled out a long pink sparkly scarf, which he tied round Howard's neck. Howard glared at Vince.

"Vince…get that off my neck" he scowled.

"It suits you though!" said Vince with a smile.

"How the hell does a bloody girls scarf suit me Vince? Have you gone mad?"

Vince shook his head. "No."

Sophie got up from the table. "We're meant to be helping Howard find his lost love, not arguing about a pink scarf," she groaned, gently removing the scarf from Howard's neck.

Naboo got up and walked over to where Sophie was standing. "She's right, you know," he said. "We should be helping Howard. Everyone sit round the table."

Naboo and Sophie resumed their seats around the table, and Howard and Vince slowly joined them.

"Have you got a pen and paper?" asked Naboo.

Vince went onto his jacket pocket and pulled out a small notebook and a pen. He handed them to Naboo, who began scribbling down everything Howard needed to know.

After five or so minutes, Naboo handed the book over to Howard, who read everything out loud. Then, he turned to Naboo.

"So, this girl works in WHSmith, just down the road, you say," said Howard.

"Indeed," chorused Naboo and Sophie.

"And she's working tomorrow, so you want me to go and see her?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Well, yeah," sighed Sophie, looking Howard in the eye. "We don't want you to lose her again."

Howard thought. "I'll do it. I'll go and see her tomorrow. I'll go to WHSmith for a magazine or something, and get chatting."

Naboo smiled. "That's the spirit, Howard."

Howard sighed. "I'll need to bring a gift, eh? What do girls like? I mean, hardly anyone likes what I like."

"She certainly does," Sophie said to him. "She likes pretty much everything you like."

Howard smiled weakly at Sophie.

"Alright, since you've all been so helpful, who's up for a Chinese takeaway?"


	5. Chapter 5

AUTHORS NOTES:

Well hey there, I don't usually do these, but I felt as though I had to this time, for a few reasons. Howard never bought a magazine (as he said he was going to in chapter four), he just went straight in there, mainly because he was forced by Sophie and Naboo. The whole "Naboo proposing to Sophie" thing stems from a few MSN convos between me and Sophie (lol). I wrote a fair bit of this whilst listening to "Take the 'A' Train" on my iPod. In fact, a lot of the songs mentioned in this story, I usually listen to whilst writing :D I need to make disclaimers and such more often. Those who have been waiting long enough for this chapter, enjoy it please, I wrote it when I got back from the jazz summer school and was well tired.

At a certain WHSmith down the road, Harriet was busy putting soft drinks cans into the fridge. She wasn't too fond of her job, but she also hated the landlady who ran the block of flats she was in, so she had to work for the money.

Sophie, Naboo and Howard all subconsciously shuffled down the street. Sophie and Naboo had donned civilian clothing for this event, as they knew they'd look funny if they went into a public place in their shaman garb. Sophie was wearing an orange t-shirt and a green pair of shorts, whereas Naboo was wearing a blue shirt, a floral waistcoat, neon pink cycling shorts and a baseball cap with the Microsoft logo stitched onto the side. Since this was Howard's big day, he was dressed in one of his smartest suits, with a black trilby hat softly resting on his head. He also had sprayed himself with large amounts of Vince's favourite cologne (which he had never returned). All three of them were walking down the road, with Howard humming Duke Ellington's "Take the 'A' Train" as they walked. Sophie usually despised of his humming, but since this was a large and special occasion, she let him be. They rounded the corner onto the street on which Harriet's work place was located, and Sophie and Naboo ran off ahead, dragging Howard along by the sleeve of his smart jacket.

"We're nearly there Howard!" cried Sophie happily.

"Are we?" he asked nervoursly, pulling free of the young shaman girl's grasp to fix his hat.

"Aye," she replied cheerfully. "See, there it is, just up there."

Sure enough, she was right. There is was, the place of work of his lost lover. He stood there, looking up at the sign.

"I don't want to go in," he sighed nervously.

"Oh sure," chuckled Naboo, before he and Sophie pulled him through the door.

Harriet was about to put the final can of Lilt in the fridge when she heard an awfully loud noise behind her. She spun around and gasped. The tall man in the doorway…could it be? She shook her head and looked in front of the man. The sight she was met with made her laugh.

"Sophiecake! Naboolio! What ARE you two wearing?" she laughed.

"Don't ask me," Naboo said. "According to Sophie, this is what you people wear!"

"No it is NOT!" yelled Sophie.

Harriet waved her hands about.

"Calm down you two!" she sighed, looking at them. "Anyway, what brings you here?"

"We have someone to see you!" chirped Naboo. "May we present to you…Howard Moon."

Howard walked out from behind the shamanic couple. "Hi there," he said nervously, before strolling over to Harriet.

Harriet by this time had gone bright pink, after realising that it WAS him, and what was going on.

"Hey…" she whispered shyly.

Howard looked at her for a second, before gently kissing her on the lips.

"I'm so thankful I found you again, beautiful," he smiled, his dark eyes sparkling.

"As am I," replied Harriet, who blinked suddenly.

Sophie and Naboo stood watching everything.

"I wish you were just that LITTLE bit nicer to me," sighed Sophie, staring at Naboo.

"Actually missy, I HAVE thought about this…" He knelt down, and Sophie gasped. "Will you marry me, Sophie?"

Sophie squealed. "Of course I will!". She hugged him tightly.

"So, do you want to go out sometime?" Howard asked Harriet.

"Oh sure!" laughed Harriet awkwardly. "I'm free tomorrow so…"

Howard cut her sentence short. "I'll pick you up at 7PM, and take you somewhere fancy."

He smiled at her. "I'd best be going, it looks like you have a lot of work to do."

Harriet sighed. "That I do."

"Well, I'll…hang on, where do you live?"

"That doesn't matter, just pick me up outside here, ok?"

"I shall. See you tomorrow darling. C'mon Sophie, Naboolio."

All three of them walked out of Harriet's workplace happily. Harriet sighed. They'd finally found each other.


	6. Chapter 6

"Howard Moon, don't go out tonight."

Vince was stood in front of the door, barring Howard's exit. He was wearing a blue satin dressing gown and slippers, and his beautiful face, which was usually a ghastly white, was now bright pink. He looked a bit ill, and Howard was wondering why he was behaving so oddly.

"What's up Vince?" he asked his friend.

Vince sighed. "Erm…" he said. "I don't know how to tell you this, but…"

Howard snarled angrily. "Oh I get it!" he yelled. "You don't want me to go, because YOU fancy her! Well tough shit mate, she's mine. She's pretty much the only girl who's ever loved me back, and I won't let some ponce like YOU steal her off me!"

Vince looked at him. "I don't fancy her."

"Yeah right"

"No, honestly Howard. I don't fancy her. Sure, she looks like a nice enough person, but I'm in love with someone else."

Howard looked at him, puzzled.

"Who do you love then, Vince? Sophie? Because Naboo proposed to her yesterday, and he'd be utterly pissed off at you if you admitted to having the hots for her."

Vince giggled. "No you silly boy."

"Who is it then? Go on, tell me."

No sooner had Howard said that, than Vince began to walk towards Howard, peeling the dressing gown from his body as he went. Howard gasped, mesmerised. He was naked.

"You figured out yet?" he said with a smile.

Howard smiled back. "Not really."

Vince pulled Howard towards him and wrapped his arms around his neck. "It's you."

Howard was shocked. He had known for some time that Vince was bisexual, yet he'd never imagined Vince having a crush on him.

"You what?" he asked, sheer amazement ringing in his voice.

Vince pulled him in even closer so that their noses were touching. "I love you Howard"

His beautiful pink lips met with Howard's and they kissed. Vince began to undo Howard's jacket. Howard pulled back.

"God no, Vince. What the HELL do you think you are doing?"

Vince looked up at him with pleading eyes, and as Howard looked down to meet his friend's gaze, he noticed Vince had a painfully large erection.

"You got a boner from KISSING me?"

Vince sighed. "Yeah."

"Alright, I suppose this is for the best. Continue, Vince."

Vince went back to undressing Howard, and soon both his jacket and shirt were on the floor.

Vince gently began to kiss and lick Howard's neck. He enjoyed the feeling of Howard's rough, manly skin on his tongue. Howard moaned and put a hand out to stroke his hair. Vince slowly made his way down to Howard's muscular chest, softly licking and biting every inch of his delicious body. Howard was well and truly enjoying being teased by his beautiful friend. He himself was getting a rather uncomfortable erection, and he let out a cry as Vince began to undo his trousers.

No sooner had Vince undone his friend's trousers, than they heard the door, and a few familiar voices behind it.

"Vince, has Howard left yet? We went past WHSmith and his date was standing there, looking sad," shouted Naboo from behind the door. There was no answer, so Naboo assumed he'd gone. Opening the door, he walked in to be met with the most disturbing sight. Sophie and Bollo ran in after him carrying baskets of pears and biscuits (which they had won in a bet they'd made with Bob Fossil). They were as equally as disturbed as Naboo.

Howard was standing there, underpants round his ankles, his shirt, jacket, trousers and shoes lying on the floor. Vince was on his knees, his right hand round Howard's cock and his left hand round his own cock. Vince let out a sharp cry.

"Uh, Naboo, this isn't what it looks like…" he said, panicking slightly

Naboo was too high to care. He'd been at a party for Bob Fossil's birthday, and he, Bollo and Bob had taken cocaine in the bathroom while everyone else went around blindfolded trying to whack a non-existant piñata. He smiled over at Vince.

"You two have fun then," he laughed. "I'm off to bed to watch TV. There's a great documentary on raccoons on the Discovery Channel. You coming Sophie/"

He gently tapped his fiancée on the shoulder. She turned round, an angry look on her face.

"What do you think, Naboo?" she growled. "No, I ain't coming! You don't even care about poor Harriet, standing out there in the cold, waiting for her date, who is being masturbated by his best friend! She's the main reason I met you! If it weren't for her and her nutty parties, where would I be? Sweeping floors in KFC!"

Naboo put his arm around Sophie. "Come on Soph, don't be like this! I'm-"

His sentence was cut short as Sophie turned round and slapped him across the face. He could see that Sophie was on the verge of tears.

"You're what, Naboo? Sorry? Because I'm not taking your apologies anymore! You don't really care! You're always high on dope or something like that! I can't believe I even agreed to marrying you, you heartless stoner freak!"

And with that, she burst into teart and fled. Naboo tried to run after her, but she was too fast. Dejectedly, he ran back into the flat, sobbing, and shut the door behind him.

"She's gone," he sobbed, "and possibly forever."


	7. Chapter 7

Sophie ran out of the flat as fast as she could, crying loudly. How DARE some girlish effeminate bastard like Vince steal Harriet's date! A lot of people were staring at her due to her being in her shaman garb, but she didn't care. She was more concerned about her friend than her blue shamanic robes. She ran until she reached the street on which Harriet's place of work was located, and stopped.

Back at the flat, Naboo was still in tears.

"For fuck's sakes Naboo, shut the fuck up!" yelled Vince, who was now lying on the sofa in his pyjamas, a can of Strongbow in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other.

"How can I?" wailed Naboo, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his purple pyjama top.

"I've just lost Sophie…I really should've stopped and spoke to Harriet and taken her back here-"

"It's a bloody good thing you didn't!" growled Vince. "Howard T.J. Moon is MY bitch now, not hers."

Howard, who was still stood there naked, looked at Vince, then at a still sobbing Naboo.

"I don't see why she called you that Naboo," he said.

Naboo looked Howard in the eyes. "Yeah, I don't see why either, look at loverboy over there."

He spun around and looked at Vince, who was now trying to light a cigarette.

Howard growled. "Yeah, he's taken worse shit than you."

Vince looked first at Howard, then Naboo, then back at Howard.

"I know I use date rape drugs for fun, but I only do it when I'm out clubbing which is like…" He paused to take a long draw of the cigarette "…once a month? Oh, and Howard, we all know you're on crack, I went through your bloody bedside unit one night when you were at that jazz bar."

Howard's face turned scarlet. "Yeah, I am. But still…"

"But still what?" yelled Vince. "Just cos I'm on all sorts of shit, you think I'm worse than Naboo? Would Naboo ever love someone like I love you?"

Howard thought. Then Naboo spoke.

"Vince's right Howard. His love for you is stronger than my love for Sophie."

Howard sighed. "Yeah, that may be the case, but I'm not one hundred per cent certain I love Vince back."

"Then why on earth did we just do that?" snarled Vince. "For fun?"

"No, because I was too scared to move. Now I'm off out to try and find Harriet and Sophie."

He was about to walk out the door, when Vince opened his mouth.

"You're naked Howard."

"That doesn't matter. I'm more concerned about those girls. Their safety is 100 times more important than my dignity."

He grabbed his black trenchcoat from a hook on the door, and put it on. The only pair of shoes he could find were his flip flops, so he put them on too. Then, he walked out of the flat, slamming the door behind him.

Vince looked at Naboo. "Don't worry, HE'LL come home," he said with a smile.


End file.
